2003-08-03T13:08:00.000-07:00

You are "Waste of Paint". You can be a
very over analyzing person and you are sort of
lost. You aren't really sure where you're going
with your life but for now you hold some hope
that you will indeed get to where you are
going. Oh yeah, and that thing called
"love", you feel it's just a game of
chance. A game you are not good at.

Which BRIGHT EYES song are you?
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you're "haligh, haligh, a lie, haligh".
you just found out that your significant other
is cheating on you. haha that SUCKS.. go look
in the mirror and contemplate suicide, then i
dunno, cry or something.

which bright eyes' song are you?
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How depressing. You continously ponder the
advantages of suicide. Maybe you won't go
through with it, maybe you'll finally see that
the world isn't so bad. Cheer up, please.

What Bright Eyes Song Are You (the best quiz of this title)
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which bright eyes song are you going to be.
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You are If Winter Ends

Which Bright Eyes song are you?
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What Bright Eyes Song Are You?
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 You are "Sunrise,Sunset"
 That aweful song gets stuck in your head and drives you insane, but yet your room mate insists on singing it. Then She/He has the nerves to tell you that You've changed, while they are laying on YOUR bed half naked with their legs open. You're so fucken tired of the same old routine...
 <a href="http://quizilla.com/users/EmoIndieJunkie/quizzes/Which%20Bright%20Eyes%20song%20are%20you%3F/"> Which Bright Eyes song are you?</a> brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a>
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</article>
<article>
2003-08-02T10:02:00.000-07:00
I love my Straight Edge.
 
 And my Sarah.
 
 We had, of course, a blast. Our cake was full of "fun," known to the public as that cake mix with "confetti" in it, with icing to match. We wrote (sloppily) a giant sXe on the top of it, and ate a slab of it with our faces. Yes, our faces, kids. As on we put a piece on a plate and shoved our faces in. We have pictures, even. Sarah's black icing made a Hitler mustasche. I had cake "buggers" flowing out of my nose. So in the pictures, we look like Hitler and the Boggie Woman. Great stuff.
 
 Afterwards, we took our two whompin' bottles of Straight Edge non-alcoholic sparkling wine-like beverage. We proceeded to drink all of their contents whilst watching A Clockwork Orage (for the first time, woo woo) and An American Wearwolf in London. Clockwork Orange rocked. It's one of those movies that you're not sure you like or not until it's over and you've had time to reflect on the symbolism and themes. I like it a lot. After I watch it again, I'll write something on here about it to work up my analitical skills again before school starts...in nine days.
 
 After the movies (both sickeningly full of female nudity, which I see daily and don't care for so much) we went to my room and crashed after a little bit of talking. Oh, I had wearwolves in my closet, by the way. But my sister's inflateable chair kept them at bay, so worry now.
 
 The first thing Sarah said when she woke up this morning was, "I am so smashed." Rock on for the Edge drunkeness on sparkling grape juice.
 
 Basically, we just had lazy kid cake eating pirateXfashionXhateXcore Edge fun. And I enjoyed it greatly.
 
 My packages also came yesterday. My stuff from Interpunk and Saddle Creek. Woo. It all rocks. I got free stuff like woah. Two samplers from Interpunk (one for Krazy Fest-RIP, dreams of rocking hard- and one creepy punk one that I don't much feel like listening to) and stickers from Saddle Creek (two Faint, one Sorry About Dresden). Also, the coolest part I think, a handwritten thanks from Ryan of The Good Life. Woo woo. Sarah said that Ryan, being in a band with Tim, had surely touched Tim, then touched my note, then I touched it, so I have indirectly touched Tim. I like that idea.
 
 Sarah sent me this yesterday. Read. All of it. It's funny like woah.
 
 how to be hardcore
 
 
 1) Be tough at all times. 
 2) Never cheer after a show...only clap. 
 3) Be open minded in a "punch people" kind of way 
 4) Only the good hardcore bands have names that are sentences with bad 
 grammar. Boy Hits Car, Boy Sets Fire, Skycamefalling, Boy Sets 
 Car-fire. 
 5) Ankles are tough so bring your socks down into your shoes so we can 
 see them. 
 6) Tattoos are tough especially when they are on your calves. See Rule 
 3 on how to see said tattoo more clearly. 
 7) Wear your hoody in the mosh pit because sweating like a wild pig 
 makes you look tough. 
 8) Don't admit you listen to heavy metal. 
 9) (Exception to rule 8) Only admit you listen to heavy metal if you 
 think it is ironic and you wear 80's cheese metal shirts. 
 10) Be a non-conformist, just like all your friends. 
 11) Practice hardcore dancing in front of your mirror and then try them 
 out the next time Atreyu comes to town. 
 12) A hardcore band is only original if you call it something-core. 
 Example Screamcore, emocore, Screamocore, mathcore, or Medio-core. 
 13) Remember, it's fun to punch and kick kung fu style. 
 14) Keep it in the do-jo. 
 15) Real hardcore fans are called kids. 
 16) Complain how hardcore bands are playing with metal bands at all 
 costs! 
 17) Have your own zine, website, production company or be in a band. 
 Claim you are friends with the singer from Shai Halud. 
 18) Tell people you work in the music industry. 
 19) More Ankles people! 
 20) Embrace everybody in the scene except for those people who are not 
 you. 
 21) Refer to bands as old school or new school then act tough again. 
 22) Pretend that you get Dillinger Escape plan. 
 23) Shop at second hand stores and then go buy expensive shoes. 
 24) Beat people up and then go to bible study class. 
 25) Smoking and drinking and having sex before marriage is too trendy. 
 Real hardcore tough guys abstain. 
 26) Whatever you do, don't let the singer on stage ever sing in the 
 mic. Make sure you grab it from him and sing in it yourself, after all, 
 you do a better job singing then him. It's a wonder they didn't put you 
 on the album. 
 27) Start your own hardcore band. 
 28) Have your logo resemble some random 80's product for nostalgia. 
 29) Talk about the scene any chance you get. Say as many obscure 
 hardcore bands from NJ as possible. 
 30) If you are shy start an emo band so you don't have to look at the 
 audience. 
 31) People who know more bands than you are better than you. 
 32) Add the Letter X before and after important words. XhardcorekidX 
 XmoshfuckX 
 33) Never say "Did you hear the new Strung Out?" Unless you are 
 attempting to be funny in which case stop it because hardcore kids are tough 
 not funny. 
 34) It's merch not Merchandise. 
 35) Hardcore girls must wear head bands at all times. 
 36) Stretch your ears out to look more intimidating. 
 37) The bigger you stretch you ears out the more hardcore you are. 
 38) Your ear should be stretched out enough to accommodate a block of 
 wood, a hubcap or a penis. 
 39) People in the front row are best used as a ladder/staircase to 
 reach your goal...steal the mic away from the singer. 
 40) When people ask you if you like a band always say "I only like the 
 old stuff" or "I haven't really gotten into the new stuff". 
 41) Buy all of that bands merch. 
 42) Wear your new merch at the next hardcore show. 
 43) Repeat steps 41 and 42 
 44) If you have to wear glasses make sure they are thick, black framed 
 ones. 
 45) Don't tell anybody but make sure you try on your new vintage 
 clothes and stud belt before heading out to see Poison the well. 
 46) Never admit you don't like Hatebreed and go see them live 12 times 
 a year. 
 47) Complain that they are playing with slayer but don't admit you 
 actually like Slayer. 
 48) Complain at all costs. 
 49) Tag team hardcore dancing is cool 
 50) Real hardcore kids are really struggling photographers. 
 51) You don't go to hardcore concerts, you go to hardcore shows. BIG 
 difference. 
 52) Name your hardcore dance moves things like "The mother fuck" or 
 "kick that guys ass move" or better yet....stay home and cry. 
 53) Protect your body from swinging limbs by sacrificing your two arms. 
 54) Scream about love. 
 55) All age venues are important so you are not tempted to drink. 
 56) Claim you know a guy who knows a guy whose best friend was standing 
 next to the guy who got his ass kicked during Converge. Bash the 
 hardcore scene and then go see The Get Up Kids. 
 57) Anytime somebody mentions a band always say you know somebody in 
 the band. 
 58)Wear your pins with honour! Shai Halud, American Nightmare, Minor 
 Threat and the purple heart of valour. 
 59) Velcro shoes are cool. 
 60) Don't admit that you have a crush on the singer from Walls of 
 Jericho. If somebody asks, say you respect her as a musician only. 
 61) Your band name should contain one of the following words: Blood, 
 Murder, Kill, Victim and butterfly. 
 62) Print your band name as if it was on a bad printing press. Actual 
 graphics are for posers. 
 63) Sleep on a portrait painted prettier then everyone. 
 64) 100 bands from around the world to play in your city. All of them 
 are the world's best hardcore bands. Every label represented, every 
 hardcore genre present. The venue is the best all-ages venue in the world. 
 Tickets are $1.00. It is your job to go around saying the festival 
 should be free. 
 65) Record producers must make sure to pump the mid because mid is 
 tough. 
 66) Re-issue your demos after every album. 
 67) When the band starts playing everybody join hands and make a big 
 circle so we can watch the big kids play. 
 68) Crying on stage makes you a professional. 
 69) Complain some more. 
 70) Album covers must be made at home on Photoshop by your good friend. 
 71) If you are from New York NEVER smile in a promo pic. In fact always 
 try to cross your arms and look into the camera as if you are going to 
 beat up whom ever is looking. 
 72) If you are from New Jersey NEVER smile in a promo pic either. In 
 fact try to look like you just lost your girl friend to the hardcore band 
 from New York. 
 73) Never admit that Emo is Country music lyrics mixed with pop rock 
 riffs and marketed by 17 year olds trying to make their friend be the 
 next Dashboard Confessional. 
 74) American Idol is your worst enemy. (But you voted for Ruben) 
 75) You can get away with glitter on your face as long as your 
 stretched ear plugs are clear. 
 76) Fuck beer, Got breast milk? 
 77) Bandanas are cool. 
 78) Bandanas with big X on them are cooler. 
 79) Bandanas with big X on them were cool last week you poser. 
 80) Your best friend is a guy named XattackX from Jersey who you chat 
 with on MSN everyday. He is coming to see you one day. Really. 
 81) Chunky breakdowns in your songs are original and you should 
 continue to do them despite every other band doing them which is clearly a rip 
 off of your band. 
 82) Judge other bands and always compare them to the socio-cultural 
 effects of the band Integrity. 
 83) Look up Socio-cultural in the dictionary and then get offended. 
 84) Green Day is the real reason you are still alive. 
 85) Describe your group of friends as "the scene" and then watch 
 bootlegs of last weeks. 
 86) Obey the laws of the hardcore scene or forever be banished from the 
 circle. 
 87) When somebody asks you what is hardcore respond with "I am 
 hardcore" then punch somebody in the face for looking at you wrong. 
 88) Keep punching 
 89) Kick a little too 
 90) Punch 
 91) Add a threat about their mother for good measure. 
 92) Pretend you are won the fight then pickup your dismembered left 
 arm. 
 93) You are wearing the same thing as the 40-year old gas pump 
 attendant but for some strange mystical reason you are cooler than he is. 
 94) Tell everybody that Trustkill Records are too trendy. 
 95) Did you stop acting tough? I saw you hug that teddy bear. 
 96) Pierce you tits and tattoo your body. 
 97) Straight bangs means straight-edge 
 98) Being vegan means you can't swallow sperm. 
 99) When in doubt Mock everything 
 100) Take everything personally. <div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-08-01T11:21:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRFDAY, MOTHER FUCKERS!
 
 I am one today. So is Sarah. We whomp arse. Hurrah for Edge kids.
 
 I have composed a song:
 
 Happy birfday to us,
 Happy birfday to us,
 Happy birfday, pimp arse Straight Edge pirateXfashionXhateXcore Sarah and Christen,
 Happy birfday toooooo US!
 *stomp, stomp, stomp*
 
 Woo woo. I love us, kid. We've made it a year, and still whomping hard. Hey ho, give me a high five.
 
 Oh, and the Friday Fivers.
 
 1. What time do you wake up on weekday mornings?
 no later than 8. woo.
 
 2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late?
 Not so much. 11 is the latest.
 
 3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning?
 Put clothes on, as I sleep nakie.
 
 4. How long does it take to get ready for your day?
 About 5 minutes to get dressed and out the door. Woo.
 
 5. When possible, what is your favorite place to go for breakfast?
 Hum...Noshville. Huzzah for Jewish kid food.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-31T15:06:00.000-07:00
Give me two pur, I need to pur so I can get to stompin on my hott friend's head.
 
 Again, Chris stood us up. TWO days right in a row. TWO days waisted, other than rocking with Sarah. Terrible time, kids. Let's tell a story.
 
 So I scramble around to get ready. Fix it up with Chris, convince my mom+family that they HAVE to go see a movie, fix my hair, brush my teeth twice, get my shoes on, fix stuff up with Sarah, get Abs to come along and get out of her pitty pool, get out the door, get there. We were a little early, so we went to look for Josh to pass the time. No cigar. went back to look. No Chris cigar, either. So to pass the time, we look at sex books. How terrible. And all this time, mind you, I am sweating because I am hot and nervious. So we look again, and still no Chris. We wander some more, waste some more time, go back, STILL no Chris. So, depressed at getting stood up twice, we head to the pizza place for pizza, but realize that we can't get pizza AND sundays, so we opt for just sundays at the expensive chocolate place. Warm brownie sundays. Thank god for chocolate. So we're all crazy and laughing and crazier, then mom comes to get us with the kids because their movie is done. Tell her about the standing up, she now hates one of my favourite kids. Walk down to get Clay's shoes, mom takes forever and is an ARSE about it. Then we walk back towards the theatre, and I stop in at Journey's to show mom my shoes. JESUS GOD, if there is not Josh and all his hott core kid friend. And I freak out, kind of, because of Josh's orgasm sexyness. And I comment to Sarah, and MOM hears and starts asking very, very loudly "Who's Josh? Who's Josh?" So we skirt out real fast, and I am SO embarassed, because you know how scene kids are. we skirt into Pac Sun, and I get my bag, then we skirt out, and I feel like shit.
 
 And I still feel like shit. I love Chris. He's one of my favourite guy pals. And he does this to me, and it's amplified by mom's stupidity. Call me a stupid teen, and then suck my cock.
 
 I hate being ditched.
 
 I need to wack, it makes things better. It does. It releases endorphins.
 
 Chris emailed me. He had car trouble, he says. I hope he really does, and is not just trying to avoid me. I don't think he is, because he's been there for me for a lot of stuff. He's a good kid, really. He's just...a boy.
 
 I hate boys.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-31T09:18:00.000-07:00
Chris had to work, he got called in yesterday, he didn't mean to stand us up. And he lurves me so much, we're going out today. Me, him, and Sarah. Woo woo for friends. With great asses.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-30T18:14:00.000-07:00
Woo woo. I just drove down to school in the pouring rain of this very night. Woo. I feel so...acomplished. Me=nerd.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-30T15:34:00.000-07:00
Sarah and I were stood up by Chris, whom we were supposed to meet up with to play pool at Jillian's pool hall. Growl. Oh well. Time for a stomping, when school rolls around. Hey ho, give me a high five. Meh, he prolly just had to work early or something. We'll see.
 
 But never fear, because tomorrow all of my family minus me is going ot the wave pool, leaving ME alone in the house, and we ALL know what that means...showerhead. Yes, my friends, both Sarah and my new addiction. Forgive me for going into detail, but I have to. It's so great.
 
 A good showerhead can outdo a guy. Not that I would know firsthand, but I am pretty sure. O after O after O, kids. Orgasm, orgasm. We have a massage setting on ours, and give me a god damn (god damn) because it's fab. That, on one's C-word....grah. Makes of get very, very, very loud and squirm all over the place. It's can't-stand-up-for-a-long-time-afterwards good. Sarah's recipe:
 
 Add:
 One Showerhead
 One Special C Word
 15 Hard-to-find Free Minutes
 
 Throw in a dash of Weak-in-the-knees 
 
 End Result:
 My new addiction
 
 I thinkthat I am going to take a few...creative liberties. My directions (forgive me for doing the mad copycat on you, my homie, but...groan, etc):
 
 Ingredients:
 Yourself, clothed
 1 dark bathroom
 1 empty tub
 1 showerhead
 2-3 lavender candles
 1 book matched
 1 oh-so-special C word
 The whole damned day
 
 Directions:
 Start with dark bathroom. Enter. Add 2-3 lavender candles, light with matches. Remove clothes. Approach empty bath tub, fix water tempurature to liking. Lay down in bath tub. Turn on showerhead, turn to massage mode. Apply to special C word.
 
 Wallow in the pleasure for as long as you like.
 
 Yes, yes...yes....<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-29T15:40:00.000-07:00
 Try not to beat up that under-age kid drinking beer over there too much
 <a href="http://quizilla.com/users/sickgirl/quizzes/Are%20you%20Straight%20Edge%3F/"> Are you Straight Edge?</a> brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a>
 <div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-29T07:37:00.000-07:00
Today is my Dad's 43rd birthday. I think it's 43. Maybe one more or less. On any account, that means last minuet gift getting. Woo. Which might mean getting my messenger bag for school. Huzzah for giant brown messener bags.
 
 Also, today I am ordering my stuff from Interpunk and Saddle Creek. Sarah, just to me sure, so therefore correct me if I am wrong, I am getting, for you, dear Sarah, whom is almost 16, or will be shortly into September:
 ~The beautiful, wonderful I Hate Myself CD, with "ten" songs, which actually equal eleven.
 ~The Cursive "Art is Hard" shirt in black, size...small? Child large? Call me.
 ~A Cursive button. You pick which one, as ich care-e nicht.
 
 And I am getting myself, as I need new things:
 ~A From Autumn to Ashes shirt, in black
 ~A Straight Edge shirt, in red
 ~An I Hate Myself shirt, which equal pimp like woah, in black
 ~The same I Hate Myself CD, because I lurve them
 ~A Saddle Creek label shirt, in blue
 ~A The Faint shirt, whom I lurve, in black
 ~A pimp Cursive shirt, in black, with a Nebraska on it. Yay!
 ~An old The Faint album, from which Worked Up So Sexual comes, which is the ear of The Faint which I dig most...more stringy, yet still electronic, and much sex for all.
 ~A Cursive button, whichever one Sarah doesn't want.
 
 High five for internet shopping! I'll even have some (small) cash left over for Sarah and myself's sXe first year birfday party. I am WAY looking forward to it. TeHe...Oh, are we doing it at your dad's or mom's place? My mom is fine with your mom, but hates your dad because of the phone call. *laughs* Because he made her feel stupid.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-28T17:52:00.000-07:00
1.. What is the time right now? 7:34 P
 
 2.. Name? Christen
 
 3.. Nicknames? Crazy Cat O., Cat, Boo, Pretty Girl. Pretty Girl is my favies.
 
 4.. What are you wearing right now? Brown cords, black Atreyu shirt, black cheep flipflops, sky blue lace shorts, lavender-esque bra, ultra nerdy emo boy glasses, three gold and fake diamond earrings. And that, my friends, is all.
 
 5.. Star sign: Saggitarius.
 
 6.. Where do you live: The gambling capital of the world...Nashvegas.
 
 7.. Sex: Female
 
 8.. Single or taken: Er...
 
 9.. Righty or lefty: Righty for writing. Bothies for...other things.
 
 10.. Hair color: Goldy-but-darky blonde.
 
 11.. Eye color: blue. Dark blue, but yet bright blue. With a brown/gold fleck.
 
 12.. Do you have a boyfriend / girlfriend: As with "Single or taken:" Er.
 
 13.. Will you send this to your crush: I will put it on my blog.
 
 14.. When is your birthday: 16.12.83
 
 FOR GIRLS TO FILL, ON GUYS!!! (for girls only!!!) 
 
 1.. Boxers or briefs: Boxies are sec-say, but so are boxie briefs. The cute tight boxies. Yum.
 
 2.. Long or short hair: Either. Not to long. Not like...uber long, as in past the chin. Like hardcore or indie rock star long, sure. And short is hot, too. Not to short, though. I like something to run my fingers through.
 
 3.. Dark or blonde hair: Dark, please.
 
 5.. Six pack: No thanks.
 
 6.. Muscular arms: Not a must, but it's ok. Like cute little muscles, like Joshie's. Not muscle man muscles.
 
 7.. Good or bad guy: A good bad guy. I like kids who are generally good (Edge or not) but with a wild fun side, too.
 
 8.. Hat or no hat: Either. Some kids look like res with hats, but some kids (Joooosh) look like Gods in beanies.
 
 9.. Ears pierced or not: Yes, and gauged. Mmm...
 
 10.. Dimples: Sure. I don't much care.
 
 11.. Studly or cutie: I honestly don't care. I don't care to much for either. How about sweety? Or smarty?
 
 12.. Dark or light eyes: Dark is my favies.
 
 13.. Fat or thin: On the thicker side to pudgy. I love pudge, as I am pudgy myself. Even if I was not, I'd like a fluffier guys. They're just more welcoming. Only exception would be Edwardio or Josh, and of couse my Saddle Creek men.
 
 14.. Jewelry or none: No bling-bling, but some stuff is ok. Like studs and whatnot are hot, and one necklace. Rings are a turn off, though. the finger kind. No-no.
 
 15.. Curly or straight hair: Both. Curly is SO hot, but straight is sexy, too.
 
 16.. freckles or none: Either or.
 
 17.. Indoor or outdoor: Erm...either?
 
 18.. Shy or outgoing: Both. There is a time and a place...
 
 *~EVERYONE~* 
 
 1.. Would you date someone just for his or her looks? If that person actually liked me and was hot, yes. Call me shallow.
 
 2.. Chocolate or white milk: Huh? Um...milk.
 
 3.. Mud or jelly: Mud. Woo woo.
 
 4.. Skiing or boarding: I'm not a sports girly.
 
 5. Summer or winter: Fall. Ha ha, blow me...
 
 6. Cake or pie: Cake
 
 7.. Silver or gold: White gold.
 
 8.. Sunset or sunrise: Both make me sigh.
 
 9.. Have you ever fractured/broken/sprained a bone: Nopes.
 
 l0.. Do you have any piercing's: Ears, that's all. Mom won't let me get what I want...a LIPPY!
 
 11.. Do you hate anyone: Yes, I do.
 
 12.. Who/What do you dream about: No comment...
 
 13.. Do you have a HUGE crush on someone right now: Yes.
 
 14.. Who's the noisest friend: I only have one, so by default, it's Sarah.
 
 15. Who's the quietest friend: I have not got one. Sarah=loud, most of the time.
 
 16.. Who do you tell your dreams to: Sarah, Joe
 
 17.. What shampoo do you use: Fruitiesse, or whatever
 
 18.. How many T.Vs in your house: Three. Upstairs, downstairs, Clay's Room.
 
 19.. Who is the last person you called: Mom, from work. Woo woo.
 
 20..Where do you want to get married: Some place that has a sentimental valuse to my partner and myself.
 
 21.. If you could change one thing about yourself: Weight, and my courage to be independent, which=zero right now.
 
 22.. Favorite number: I have to say I am partial to...hum...8. Sure. Why not.
 
 23.. Favourite boys names: Conor, Felix, Babbit
 
 24.. Favorite girls names: Lila, Abigail, Madison, Arienette
 
 25.. Have you ever gone skinny dipping: No.
 
 26.. Been in love: So badly that it still takes my breath away.
 
 27.. How many people are you sending this to?: BLOG, kids. BLOG.
 
 28.. Who do you hope will send it back: Growl.
 
 29.. What is the last film you saw at the cinema? What was it? Hum. How to Deal.
 
 30.. Do you like filling these things out: a little to much so.
 
 31.. What is the time now: 7:52 P, and it's now pouring.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-28T15:25:00.000-07:00
Today was my last day of work. I didn't know til Kelly was driving me home. Oh well, I got a full week's pay. Woo.
 
 Worry is heavy now. Dumb being...a girl.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-27T15:44:00.000-07:00
A late (as usual) Friday Fivers.
 
 1. If your life were a movie, what would the title be?
 Hum. I don't know so much. Maybe something that hinted at the angst-filled lives that I and my best mate Sarah lead. I always fall back on it, but "The Angst Rock Empire" is oh-so-much fun. Maybe something like "With Clenched Fists Raised." Maybe. I don't know. Something that spoke of angst, love, sex, and other such wonderful teen-year things. I guess it would just be a day in the life, nothing beautiful gained or destroyed kind of thing. What is that kind of stuff called? Oh shit...it's some kind of drama that is used in theatre, and all the old farts hate it because they don't understand it...fuck. I can't remeber.
 
 2. What songs would be on the soundtrack?
 Bright Eyes, like woah. Something Vague fo sho, perhaps Neely O'Hara because it's backwards sound would be great to use during the greatly confusing ways of every day life. Most anything Bright Eyes, more or less. Cursive, because it's full of both passion and anger, The Faint, because it oozes sex. From Autumn to Ashes because it's beautiful, but the beauty is hidden in the roughness of the screaming vocals, much like I thing myself to be beautiful inside though consealed in a none-to-pretty body. Coldplay's Scientist or maybe Clocks because I play piano songs in my head during lots of times during the day. I Hate Myself...That one song that goes "Sixy watts brighter than my future, an empty fourty fuller than my life. There must be more, but sometimes I don't think so. Maybe I'm right. Maybe there's no such thing as 'Brighter Side.' A sultry night, stare at the moon from rooftops. Broken engines, boys that never drive. I pour my heart out to a god that doesn't listen. You said you'd save me. You said you'd always love me but you LIED." Great song. Very...great. That might just be the main theme, even. It goes on, too. I wish I could find the lyrics somewhere to share. It's fab. Emotion supressed, then screamed, then supressed again only to burst out once more. Brill, brill.
 
 3. Would it be a live-action film or animated? Why?
 Again, hum. Don't know. Either is good. You can capture so many moving and real images with live-action, but animated would rock, too, because you could add in things that would not work in live-action. You have more freedom in animation. Maybe a combination of both. Live-action backgrounds and animated characters. Hum.
 
 4. Casting: who would play you, members of your family, friends, etc?
 I would play me. Sarah would play herself, my greatest friend. My family would play their crazy selves as well. I would cast people as the people they are. I have grown up around "actors." They suck.
 
 5. Describe the movie preview/trailer.
 Enter that one I Hate Myself song. That would be the only background sound, just the music. And then I would be walking down the street, or maybe down the hall at school, dressed drabbly like usual. The people around me would be doing things. Fun things. Sad things. Terrible things. Sweet things. Like...just differnt stuff, but stuff that is important or influential or monumental. Like snogging, or shooting someone, or weeping, or having sex, or singing, or dancing. Things that people do that are important and beautiful, or terrible, or whatever. But all that would be happening, and there I would be, just walking, doing nothing. Blank, as per usual. And that would go on, and then I would open a door and be in a blank grey room, the song would end, and it would flash the name or whatever of my flim. Woo.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-25T19:00:00.000-07:00
Christmas in July=pretty damned cool.
 
 My presents rock like woah. Every Day and Every Night is the best Bright Eyes ever. It's so amazing, it makes me want to cry. The music is great, the lyrics are great...it's just great. Beautiful. Beautiful.
 
 So we made cookies. Sugar and gingerbread. Pretty spiff. I made a few pretty ones, but they all got burned. The table was a floury mess, which is always fun, and my skirt now has flour all over it. It's ok, because laundry day is tomorrow. Woo.
 
 Dad came home early with cokes and stuff, and we got drinks and opened our presents. Mom got the family Trivial Persuit Junior and some really hard version of the same game, which is spiff to play. I usually lose, but oh well. As I said, my CD rocks like woah. Everyone got cool stuff. Woo.
 
 Then we ate spaghetti, and drank more coke. Yum.
 
 Around 5:00 we split for downtown, aiming to go to the Frist Center. Ok, the Frist is the stink. If ever down here, don't go. It's stupid. It would have been cool if the art was good and there were not five hundred people walking around with beer or wine or other suck distasteful things. Dumb art kids.
 
 So that was the suck, and the drive home was also the suck, and my melodramatic sister got upset because Clay touched her. So now she's walking around saying "I am depressed." Yeah. Clay is the favourite, and doen't get in trouble. Get over it, tourtured soul emo kid.
 
 So now we're home, and I plan to go get some more cookies after I get off, and also some organic chocolate milk, and I'll curl up with my German summer reading book.
 
 I feel so...whole. *smiles softly* And I like it.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-25T10:56:00.000-07:00
Hurray for anime quizzes!  I don't much watch the real stuff, but the quizzes combat boredom!  
 
 <center><a href="http://ydoc.myagora.net" target="new"></a> <a href="http://ydoc.myagora.net" target="_blank">Quiz Title</a><a href="http://anime1.ydoc.myagora.net/quizes/hentai/" target="_blank"></a></center>
 
 <center><a href="http://ydoc.myagora.net" target="new"></a> <a href="http://ydoc.myagora.net" target="_blank">What anime hue are you?</a></center>
 
 <center><a href="http://ydoc.myagora.net" target="new">
 </a> 
 
 <a href="http://ydoc.myagora.net" target="new">Find out what anime series  you belong in.</a><a href="http://www.liquid2k.com/ydoc/" target="new"></a></center>
 
 <center><a href="http://tinysworld.keenspace.com/quiz.html" target="new">
 </a> 
 You're the cat  of Tiny's World!
 <a href="http://tinysworld.keenspace.com/quiz.html" target="new">What Tiny's World character are you?.</a></center>
 
 <center>
 
 <a href="http://ydoc.myagora.net" target="new">
 </a> 
 *clever*
 
 <a href="http://ydoc.myagora.net" target="new">What fuzzy creature are you?</a>
 </center>
 
 <table width="300" border="1" cellspacing="2" 
       cellpadding="0" bgcolor="#000000" height="200" 
       bordercolor="#FF31C2">
       <tr> 
       <td> 
       <div align="center">      height="150"> 
       <a href="http://ydoc.myagora.net" 
       target="_blank">What 
       Goth Are You?</a></div>
       </td>
       </tr>
       </table>
 
 (Ha ha ha, I am NOT Goth. Ha ha ha...)
 
 <center>
 <a href="http://ydoc.myagora.net/">
 
 </a> 
 <a href="http://ydoc.myagora.net/">Take the Anime soundtrack Quiz</a>
 </center>
 
 <center><a href="http://ydoc.myagora.net" target="new"></a> Evil or not? <a href="http://ydoc.myagora.net" target="_blank">What character from a creepy anime are you?</a><a href="http://anime1.ydoc.myagora.net/quizes/Creepy/" target="_blank"></a></center>
 
 <center><a href="http://ydoc.myagora.net" target="new"></a> Magical <a href="http://ydoc.myagora.net" target="_blank">What's Your Anime Weapon?</a><a href="http://anime1.ydoc.myagora.net/quizes/Weapon/" target="_blank"></a></center>
 <div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-25T08:29:00.000-07:00
Today is Christmas in July.
 
 Went to the mall with Abby yesterday to get my presents, and a few more for her.  She got me the Every Day and Every Night EP by Bright Eyes and two pair of earrings.  I got her a nifty hello kitty pencil, and a French hello kitty wallet.  I, myself, did not get pants or shoes, but rather the new Yellowcard CD, a pencil from hello kitty with the deer kiddo on it, some stickers from hello kitty that's of this subway car guy that looks like a toaster, a pairof earings that kind of match the one in my second hole, and then the coolest thing in the world....a French Hello Kitty Toothbrush and Toothpaste travle set, which is the perfect size for fitting in my purse and comes in a very spiff little case-baggy thing. Fab, fab. Perfect for the obsessive-complusive on the go. Ha.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-24T09:39:00.000-07:00
I had a half day at "work" today. Tomorrow, I am off. Next week is my last week, and I only work through Thursday.
 
 Summer is over in two weeks.
 
 I need to do my German work. Damn it.
 
 I think I'm going to bathe, then fix my hair, and then go treat myself to some new pants and shoes. Then you gots da WOO WOO.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-23T15:31:00.000-07:00
I feel better now.
 
 It ended up working, go figure. Sarah and I are patched, and mending. We're weird kids, us two. Very weird.
 
 Just about right after I posted my last thing, we fixed up. Jesus. Great timing, eh? I'm a wizz kid.
 
 But we're working.
 
 Having a best friend is kind of like having a boyfriend, minus...the boy part, and the other parts that...yeah. Ok, that fizzled and died.
 
 Oh well. We're both trying now. I'm trying to be not afraid, and Sarah is trying to not make me afraid. It's good stuff.
 
 The new policy: No Lies, Just Love.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-23T09:49:00.000-07:00
The boys are over here right now. Fun shit. We're going to the zoo. Thank the Lord God, there is no other way I would want to spend my beautiful sunny day. Being with three roudy boys around stinking animals is on my favourites list.
 
 Taking Chris's advise. Not working, not working..crashing, burning...no way to save me now, mother fuckers. Ha ha ha, I am the lamest kid alive. Will somebody kill me please? I'd like to do the world a favour...ha ha ha...
 
 Talking about how you feel is a killer like woah, kids. Today's moral: Shove it inside and run. Run the fuck away, because you are and always will be alone. Might as well be alone in style.
 
 Lyrical bits:
 
 The Loser Switchfoot
 I've been the burnout kid
 I've been the idiot
 I'll turn the other cheek to be hit
 You can take what you want from me
 Empty me till I'm depleated
 I'll be around if I'm ever needed
 
 Timberwolves in New Jersey Taking Back Sunday
 This is me with the words 
 on the tip of my tongue 
 And my eye through the scope 
 down the barrel of a gun 
 Remind me not to ever act this way again<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-22T14:48:00.000-07:00
Proof read my summer reading today. It's a shit sandwitch. Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care.
 
 I can hear it now, yes I can, I can, I can, I can...I can hear it now.
 
 Bright Eyes. Good shit, kids.
 
 I feel slightly not so good today. Firstly, I am dog tired. Staryed up late last night talking with my little six foot tall sister and her friend Kelsi about everything under the moon...friends, politics, world peace, religion, and, of course, sex. Well, not sex. I reserve that for my best friends. They had lost of cute little kid questions about period and oral sex. It's sad when you have to explain oral to your 13 year old sister. Talked til 1 in the morning. Didn't brush my teeth before I crashed. Must brush teeth now...and floss...
 
 Done. Brushed, flossed, and mouth washed. Thank god for dental hygeine.
 
 Anyway, bushed. Dog tired. Even at work, I slept like two hours before the boys woke up.
 
 And I just feel bummed. Meh.
 
 Talking to Chirs. He's such a great kid. We're talking about boyfriends. Or rather, I am, and he's advising me. He thinks Colin "seems like a match" for me. He's his best friend, he'd know. I don't know. I want a hands on boyfriend, just not right now. And even if I did set my sights on Colin, I'd have to make lie to him a lot. He hates me because of Sarah, so I'd have to lie to him about who I am. I'm a good little liar, but it makes me feel poopy. So after I lie to him about who I am and get him to take me to a show or something, he'd have to find out who I really was. Chris said that even Colin couldn't deny how cool I am, which made me blush, but I don't know. That's like...I couldn't do that. Maybe I'll just give him some more time to cool off about me as I cool off myself about other such things, and then maybe once I am settled into the new school year I can both with him. Until then I will just have to deal with being alone.
 
 Bored, bored. QUIZZES!
 
 <center><a href="http://www.trinitykiss.com/piercing"></a></center>
 <center><a href="http://www.trinitykiss.com/piercing">Which Piercing are you?</a></center>
 
 <center><a href="http://www.trinitykiss.com/time"></a></center>
 <center><a href="http://www.trinitykiss.com/time">Which era in time are you?</a></center>
 
 <center><a href="http://www.trinitykiss.com/seasons"></a></center>
 <center><a href="http://www.trinitykiss.com/seasons">Which Season are you?</a></center>
 
 <center><a href="http://www.trinitykiss.com/smurfs"></a></center>
 <center><a href="http://www.trinitykiss.com/smurfs">Find your inner Smurf!</a></center><div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-21T18:59:00.000-07:00
So...gee. Nice night. There's a way beautiful sunset just finishing up outside the window by the computer desk. Very fab. Pinks and purples. Beautiful, beautiful.
 
 I finished my summer reading projects for English. They're both terrible, but they're done. They're each over 1000 word count. I think my Death of a Salesman work is 1,300 andmy Ender's Game is 1,900. Not bad, but it's a lot of BS and fluff. It's done, though, and that is all that matters. Now, onward with my German shit. And I do mean shit. It's summer, so I am going to BS everything. Eff this.
 
 I like the books, mostly. Ender and All Quiet on the Western Front rock. I'm not completely intellecually dead, I guess. I can admire All Quiet's brilliant writing and Ender's fun, unique plot. My literary merit still upholds. I'm maybe almost perhaps halfway proud of myself. But not at all, really.
 
 Two more weeks of work. Three more weeks til school. This time, three weeks from now, I will either be ranting about how cool my teachers are or ranting about how stupid my teachers are. Or perhaps I'll be ranting about my friend-filled classes or extremely lonely lunch periods. Or maybe how spread out my classes are or the superb locale of my locker. Or the sexiness of new male beasts in school, of which there are bound to be many. THAT would be niiiiice, with 5 I's. Or maybe Scalf will die sadly at the hands of real emo kids, and I'll throw a party. Who knows what this year will bring. I know that I plan to kick it up a notch and work, so that when college come oh-so-soon, I am somewhat ready. Gotta flush the slacker out of me. Or at least some of it.
 
 Tiddle, diddle. Bored like woah. And wishing mom and dad would go away. I vant to be eh'lone.
 
 My computer's old, it's colour's fucked...woah, edited Bright Eyes moment. Anyway, my computer, who is old, is not playing my CD right. Die, commie, die! Ah, it must have understood my threat. It's working now. Kathy With a K.
 
 If you just cast of your doubts, then your lips would answer for you: "Oh my darling, when you smile it is like a song, and I can hear it now."
 
 and now the music died. Dumb, dumb commie.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-21T16:36:00.000-07:00
The upstairs showerhead and an empty house are my new best friends.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-20T14:58:00.000-07:00
A very pesamistic (and very late) <a href="http://www.fridayfive.org/">Friday Five.</a>
 
 1. When was the last time you cheated?
 I had a "relationship" with Greg (aka, nothing happened because he repulsed me) while having one with Joe, too. That was toward Christmas time of last year.
 
 2. When was the last time you stole?
 I don't think I have ever stold anything, save a peice of candy when I was like, 3. I had to pay for it, too, when mom found out. I've tried to steal stuff, but I can't bring myself to do it.
 
 3. When was the last time you lied?
 Recently, to myself. And it hurts. And is still hurting. And I am regretting things.
 
 4. When was the last time you broke or vandalized another's property?
 Hum. I have never done anything major. If throwing a gum wrapper in Kelly's oh-so-perfect plant display in her window, then that. Sometime I break Clay's stuff because he's a re-re.
 
 5. When was the last time you hurt a loved one?
 Ha ha ha, so fitting. I think it was actually on Friday. Maybe Thursday. But I think it was Friday. That's when I was supposed to do this, but I forgot. I hurt Joe. A lot. A lot. A lot. I think so, at least. That's what I gathered. And I feel so terrible, no matter how badly I want not to. Sarah would kick me.
 <div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-20T14:34:00.000-07:00
Today, I am bored.
 
 Sarah is at her mum's place.
 
 No one is online, save Jimmy James, who is bragging about getting a 5 on his AP test. He studied a lot. if I had studied at all (as opposed to just pretending to study) I would have gotten a 5, too. Oh well.
 
 I'm trying to work on my summer reading, and I did a good bit of it. My restrictions for my novel are a lot more lax than those for my play, so that makes it easier, but my mind is still mush. Above all, I secretly don't care to much for doing this assignment and just want to get it the hell over with it. So secretly I don't care. So now you know. As much as I care, I really don't give a fuck at all.
 
 I keep playing with my away messages. I'm such a dork.
 
 Hum. What can I do now?
 
 Boredom is way the suck.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-20T09:18:00.000-07:00
My <a href="http://www.interpunk.com">Interpunk.com</a> cart: $112.25
 My <a href="http://www.store.saddle-creek.com/">Saddle Creek</a> cart: $46.00
 
 Back to school is so much fun.
 
 I have to pay for most of my clothes for back to school this year, because we're tight on money with our vacation and Abby's tuition for her stuck-up Catholic snob school (why she wants to go, I don't know, because she is not stuck-up, a snob, or even Catholic) and all that stuff weighing our cash flow down. I think Mom'll pitch in for a new pair of shoes (the ones I want are on sale for all of 30 bucks) and a pair or so of pants. I think I can handle it. I'm almost at $1,000 in my savings account, and that was my goal for this summer, so I'll just deposit the remaining 40 or so bucks and then use the rest for school stuff. Woo.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-19T12:19:00.000-07:00
Get your hands on this song. I love it, and am singing it now along with my mix CD from Sarah. It's all piano-y and beautiful. It makes me want to cry, terribly.
 
 Colourblind
 By: The Counting Crows
 
 I am colorblind,
 Coffee black and egg white.
 Pull me out from inside.
 I am ready,
 I am ready,
 I am ready,
 I am....
 Taffy stuck and tongue tied,
 Stutter shook and uptight.
 Pull me out from inside.
 I am ready,
 I am ready,
 I am ready,
 I am...fine......
 I am covered in skin,
 No one gets to come in.
 Pull me out from inside.
 I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding.
 I am,
 color-blind,
 Coffee black and egg white.
 Pull me out from inside.
 I am ready,
 I am ready,
 I am ready,
 I am....fine.
 I am.... fine.
 I am fine.
 ~~
 Grah. I hate myself sometimes. I'm going to mess up my makeup now.
 
 Talking to Joe. Some things hurt.
 
 I'm supposed to go driving today. Might not. Who knows.
 
 Showed Abs her presents. She digs them. I'm wearing my cords and my new earrings and a frown. Tears soon, perhaps. Maybe not. I guess I am unfeeling, or have finally gotten good at not crying.
 
 Sarah's probablly out with James having fun, perhaps having sex. Gogo Sarah. Heh. Use the blue sin well, my little friend. Use it well.
 
 I can't much say how I feel now. Not like it really matters, but I wish I could put a finger on it. I have the beginning of tears trapped in the upper portion of my ribs, and I am cold. My fingers are a little shakey and I feel almost as if I could fall apart. The tears made it up to my eyes, they're just brimming there. It's an odd feeling. I don't want to cry, I can't bring myself to do it. I know that I am on a timed schedual. In about thirty minutes I have to get off the computer so Dad can clean up the files. After that, I have to wait a little while, then I am off to drive. Come back home, eat dinner, brush my teeth, watch a little TV until 10, then go to bed, pretend to sleep, and start over again on Sunday. No where in that does it say "Cry downstairs and ruin your makeup while singing along with Colourblind." But I guess I made room.
 
 Call me skilled.
 
 I never thought someone I didn't know would end up meaning anything to me. I'm not exactly the most...I don't know. I'm not one to dream like that. I'm not one to put myself into the hands of something I can't touch, be it god or a man or hopes for the future. I'm just not that kind of kid, because in the past it's proved to be a stupid thing to do. It ends in a face of snot and tears on the floor. It's not worth it, or wasn't, to me. And then, like some stupid teenage nothing that I am, I put all of me into one boy, one whom I have never seen, never touched or smelled. In the first place, it was just out of boredom and...I don't know. I don't understand myself. But I started to really like the kid, you know? Like really like him, because he's a cool fun guy. Not really a smart kid, but cool. There's more important things that smarts. Caring. Kindness. All that good stuff. So I liked the kid. Put so much of myself into him and "us" over the time span of a year. Now and then, frequently, I'd doubt it all. My logical mind kicked in. You don't love that kid, Christen. It won't work, you're waisting you emotion. Stop it now before you let you hurt yourself. I battled it off, though. I can do that sometimes, when I am not being flighty and stupid, I can apply it to anything. Stick with it for so and so long, because it's good for you. Like eating peas, or something. And there were times when I really did want to stick to it, when I believe it us and we and all that good stuff. Times when I craved it. Lots of times. I needed, wanted it. Because I held it, you know, if only in a twisted, partial way. But little stuff bothered me. I was envious of Sarah's relationship with James. I was afraid of my future, because said boy dropped out of high school, which is actually something I hate very much in anyone. I hated, and still hate, not being able to know this person I loved physically. it seemed surreal. Internet relationships are stupid, and I felt and feel stupid for having one. Very stupid. I'm not a dreams person. I'm a touch person. A hands-on, reality person. Look what I went and did. But now, I feel like I am losing all of me, that whole part of me that I put into this kid. Like I am losing myself. It's almost like a divorce, I guess that's how this feels. Or selling your soul for something less, a deal you know will hurt you so much, but one you mke anyway. And there's this feeling of knowing I am hurting someone so much, knowing it's all my fault, all mine and no one else's. It's like killing a child, almost. Or an animal you loved for a long time. And yourself. Maybe all at once. I don't know.
 
 I think it was a good thing. Maybe. I hope it was, because I did it. I broke all of this shit. Shattered it with well calculated, tired words.
 
 *laughs*
 
 Dear god. I am a screwed up child. Maybe I need some secret religion to medicate my soul. Or a bottle of wine. Ha ha ha. Ha.
 
 Jesus. I feel like so many songs now. Disjointed. Shoved together. Broken apart again, and then matched up with new pairs. A double-shattered record, pasted back together. Yay.
 
 I need to stop now.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-18T19:39:00.000-07:00
If I had a band, I might call our first album:
 
 Broken Hearts and Tears
 Love Letters for the Masses (sound familiar?)
 Live in Pain, End in Pain
 My Messy Little Break-up
 Bleed Like There's No Tomrrow
 
 
 Meh, can't much think of others. I like the first three. That's about it.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-18T19:22:00.000-07:00
Today, after work, Sarah and I had an emergency excersion to the mall for coffee, ranting, and a possible Josh sighting.
 
 We acomplished none of thses things.
 
 We did, however, manage to get to the mall, listening to the Faint most of the way. Sarah gave me a mix CD to help me cope with things I am doing to a certain person (more or less, or maybe just for the sake of music) which I wanted to listen to, but Momwas driving and abhores hardcore, so we stuck with the Faint's sexual melodies.
 
 After about a lap and a half around the circle that is Opry Mills, Sarah brought up going to see the movie How to Deal. It sounded like a brill idea, so we headed towards the theatre and bought out tickets. Because we are cheep, we also smuggled in bottles of Coke to drink. The movie was fairly good, and I have to admit, I actually like Mandy Moore. She's a pretty ok kid, it seems, and I have to admire her hair. It's beautiful. During the corse of the movie, Sarah and I cracked various jokes, Sarah herself pulling a joke that made both of us laugh lots. There was one part in the movie where the main character was very sad, and was sitting alone crying out in her back yard. I made a comment about cutting and listening to emo, and sang a snatch of some old Pedro the Lion, a line that goes "You know I want to be like Jesus," and then made motions of cutting my wrists. Sarah improved this by making the motions of slamming nails into her wrists, then sang the Jesus bit. We laughed, and made neucences of ourselves. I love Sarah.
 
 Also while in the movie, my Mom called and said that my AP Bio test results had come in the mail. Great, I thought. Let's see how badly I have failed.
 
 I passed, it turns out, and with a 4 of 5.
 
 After the movie, we just kind of wandered around and yapped about nothing in general. Snippets of Joe conversation, James things, talk of Sarah's upcoming birthday (I love giving presents, I can't wait!), cramps which were plageing me, and random bypassing men. It was fun. I got my sister's Christmas in July prsent, a nice little Dickie's messenger bad in kacki cord and a pack of hankies to go in it. It's a new offical Randall Family holiday. Fun stuff. I also go myself some earings and apair of brown cords from Old Navy, and bought Sarah and myself some pizza from the pizza place. I got a stunningly good orange and pineapple juice. New fave drink.
 
 While digging through my purse for my Pez lip gloss, exposing my huge orange pad I am carrying since I am on my period, I heard a voice from behind me. Turning around, I saw that it was Michael Brandon. I felt as if I could cry. Michael is a very nice looking boy that I secretly fancy (though I a-have no chance with and b-am not really interested in, but just find nice looking), and he was one of my AP Bio mates. He and I are the creators of the comic stip, The Adventures of Catpiss Boy. Good times, my friends. So I looked like a doof, all giddy with joy at seeing him and at the fact that he thinks enough of me to come and say hello even out of school, but I didn't care. I love Michael, too. I can't wait for school to start again. Perhaps I'll have classes with him.
 
 After a rousing (truthfully) look at the sex books in Barnes and Nobles, we headed outside to wait for Sarah's dad to come get us. Richie, her little brother, and one of his friends happened to hop to the mall, and were also getting a ride with us. We talked for a few. Richie is a poseur, but he's an all right kid. He just needs some help, in addition to breaking away from his horid grease bucket of a girlfriend. She brings him down, because Richie is a witty, cool kid, and Ta-abitha (a loving nick name I have given her) is none to bright. Oh well. I want to befriend Richie at school next year. He's nice, and is my only tie to my best friend that I have at McGavock.
 
 So that was my afternoon. I really do love Sarah above all, no matter what my worn-out brain told me a few days ago. I feel silly for doubting her. We just have so much fun together, and I just need to get over myself. I am not the only person in the world.
 
 Overall, I feel much happier now.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-17T20:13:00.000-07:00
Please, for the love of God, enjoy some bad poetry. *bows*
 
 
 I had a dream
 in which you and I stood
 side by side on a black sand beach,
 hands clasped like shackles.
 Clouds filled the sky
 in a sudden whispering rush,
 and rain began to pour down
 as the sun sank from the sky.
 Oppressive sheaths of water poured over us
 and as the night wore on,
 a hateful fight between the unchangeable,
 we broke apart
 and were washed away
 in the torrents of waves.
 I watched myself drown
 to wash ashore alive again
 where a beautiful picture awaited me:
 I was alone,
 and the sun was rising
 against a pink sky.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-17T15:25:00.000-07:00
I really do hate Tyler. What an ass of a kid. He complaned all day about how boring the day was. When I misplaced my glasses, he laughed as his brother helped me locate them. Tyler is the evil twin. Maybe I should burn him at the stake. Or at least kick him.
 
 As I was just telling Sarah on AIM, I have lately had the urge to drink. Lots. Quoting my AIM for the reason...."Stress. Just a sadness. One of those fog-like sadnesses. The kind you drink away. " I also might stop claiming edge if I can't sort this out soon. Dumb me.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-16T16:54:00.000-07:00
Snatches heard on the 6 o'clock Christen World News:
 
 My earring might be infected. Snap. I'm cleansing even more and using triple antibiotic at night.
 
 I hate Tyler and Tanner. My mom told their mom that they were beating each other up (without my permission, as I planned to tell Kelly myself) and they got in trouble. Those kids hid from me all day. Damn them. I had to watch MTV all day long.
 
 I hate Sarah's daddy. Kill, kill, kill.
 
 I have started The Metamophasis, by Kafka. I hate it, also.
 
 Listening to the Faint. Woo woo, sexy music.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-15T14:34:00.000-07:00
Mercury Rising
 From Autumn to Ashes
 
 how sad
 and this is what your life has been reduced to -
 a single room apartment containing no more than a mattress.
 how sad
 when the strings have been removed from the blinds
 and all the outlets have bene painted over.
 and the television screen is streaked with blood
 and smeared from your knuckles,
 as if you were trying to punch it out
 but you underestimated the strength -
 or maybe you just weren't trying hard enough.
 startled by a knock at the door,
 you'll rise for the first time in two days to answer - 
 but you can only greet the visitor with one short statement - 
 'hello my first name is distance
 and i really don't care if i never wake up again.
 hello my name is Distance, and I really don't care if I ever wake up again.
 And I really don't care if I ever wake up again.
 And I really don't care if I ever wake up again.
 And I really don't care if I ever wake up again.
 ~~
 
 Great spoken word track. Woo. Eff everyone else with their hardcore-er than thou bull shit, I like FAtA. Blow me if you have a problem with it. And go buy the album and actually listen to it, because the lyrics rock.
 
 Hum. I didn't take a calming bath last night, and I didn't even wash off my smeared makeup. I was exhausted, and still am. I didn't call anyone, either. I'm going to med fences slowly. Maybe very, very slowly. I'll patch up what I really miss this summer. Michelle. Justin. And Judy, even, dispite her living in Portland, TN. All the others I'll fix once school starts, which is only four weeks away. I actually am looking forward to it. It will keep my mind busy, and give me a wayto get out of the house. Of course, I am sure I won't feel like this once school starts to get on, but right now it sounds like a good idea.
 
 I need to go get some protein like woah. All I had today was junkfood. Chips, mainly. The house I sit for has nothing of substance to eat. They only have carbs. And matching sofas.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-14T16:21:00.000-07:00
I have a cavity. My hygenist hacked my gums up so bad that I am still bleeding in places. Fuck dentists. Fuck them all. Bastards.
 
 How the hell did I get a cavity? I, Christen G. Randall, Miss Obsessive Compulsive Teeth Cleaner? I brush my teeth at LEAST 3 times a day. Yet I got a cavity. Fuck it all.
 
 I was going to do some creative writing, but I finished it and am not sharing. Sorry. get over it.
 
 I also finished my Death of a Salesman summer work and am ashamed of myself. My writing is terrible. Even thinking about it now makes me want to cry. I just feel so fucking inadequate. I am a fucking fake. I know it. I can't write, I can't analize literature. People know me for this stuff, people get pissy at me for being good at it. And it's not what I'm good at. I'm a C-work paper and a bloody return away from ruin.
 
 I'm effing sobbing right now and using Jimmy James via AIM as a shrink. I'm full of mental problems. I really miss all my school friends, and feel terrible for pushing them away. I want to call Michelle. Or maybe even Crazy Lauren. We'd make a sight, eh? Two crazies. She's on drugs for her crazy, though.
 
 Jesus. I am goingon friend deprivation. I need more support than i thought I did. I wish I hadn't pushed everyone away. Why did I? I'm such an ass. Such an ass.
 
 So I said sorry to Jimmy James for dumping him off like I did. And he says he doesn't hate me. Honestly. And I think I believe him, because I can. And I think that once I calm down I'll call Michelle and say sorry, too. And maybe even William and Crazy Lauren, and perhaps even Greg. He's no boyfriend, but he's not to bad friendwise. And I'll get in touch with Elisabeth, and Ali, and maybe even Crazy Michael K. And Michael B, and John. And Justin. Oh dear god, I miss Justin. I'll call him. Maybe he's over his girlfriend and we can hang out like we used to when we were both a little more innocent.
 
 Gee. Today's been terrible. Today's been beautiful. Today's been an eye-opener. And now I can move on. Or at least try.
 
 I think I am going to go talk to my mom. Or perhaps fix my C-grade writing. But tonight deserves a good, long, hot lavender bath. And maybe even a new book.
 
 I feel, more or less, a little better.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-14T08:38:00.000-07:00
I want to get back to writing like a person who owns a small bit of a brain. I'll start that tomorrow, if I can. I'm just kind of jumbled now. All confused and not thinking about much.
 
 I have a dentist appointment to go to now. Fuck.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-13T09:16:00.000-07:00
I had a dream about the Snap Cup from Legally Blonde 2. Holy hell, help me now.
 
 We were going to go the the Love is Red show tomorrow night, but Michelle hasn't called me back. Sarah and I are doing our movie night now. I'm heading over there at 1-ish, and we're going to get three-ish movies and some ice cream. Yum. We're thinking The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Cruel Intentions, and some creepy flick. Woo. I love my best friend. Oh, we're also going to watch a tape of Conor hosting some MTV thing. Woo, secsay.
 
 Ok, I need to take le grande showerosos. Ta, my faithful readers. If I have any.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-12T18:34:00.000-07:00
Forgot this. Here. Friday Five, on Saturday.
 
 
 1. Do you remember your first best friend? Who was it?
 Logan. He was my best friend, even. We talked Ninja Turtles like woah all the time. We even at one point did our own little version of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours." We peed on eachother's shoes.
 
 2. Are you still in touch with this person?
 Kind of. We get together about once a summer and hang out. He's 18 now, and have a steady girlfriend whom he fucks a lot. *sighs* Well, at least he won't spy on me like he did back in like, 7th grade. He used to watch me change into my bathing suit to swim in his pool because I have big breasts. silly boy.
 
 3. Do you have a current close friend?
 No, never. I have no friends, especially not a best one called Sarah Elizabeth Joan Ferguson, PirateCore Kid of Glee. There is no way that I have anyone whom I go panty shopping with, or whom I giggle about boys and sex with, or whom helps me get through things. Never. No, Sarah, the best person in the world, is certianlly not my closest friend. But I'm lying.
 
 4. How did you become friends with this person?
 Gee, I can't even much say. Sarah and I just kind of clung to eachother after a period of time in which we hated eachother for a reason neither of us recall. We just kind of happened, and helped eachother become who we are.
 
 5. Is there a friend from your past that you wish you were still in contact with? Why?
 Hum...let's see. I've never been one to have many friends. I'm a dork kid. I'd have to say Michael Miller. He was one of my first good friends that I made in public school, and was part of my core group of friend that I still hang out with. Michael, however, had to move to one of the Carolinas becase his parents split up. He only told me the day before. I guess he was afraid to hurt me or something. But then, bam, the next day he was packing up his locker and taking himself away, leaving me with only the memory of his uberly cool blue jacket and a face full of tears mingled with snot. I cried all through the school day, and called my mom saying that I had a stomach ache so she'd pick me up. We went out to lunch, and I sobbed the whole way through, my hed leaned on the stone wall of the Chineese resurant's wall. There was a special depth in the eleavator-esqu house music that day. Michael and I emailed a few times, and he tried to call me once but I was out. We just fell appart. I wish we had stuck together. He was an indie kid, before I knew what it was. I miss him now. How sad.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-12T14:39:00.000-07:00
I called Michelle and left a message on her machine:
 
 "Hey, Michelle. Gosh, wow, sorry I haven't called you yet this summer. It's been effing crazy on my side...I'll explain later, I guess. But hey, man, I miss you, and it's been a long time since we've been to a show, and Love id Red is playing Monday night, I think. Really kick butt hardcore band, at the Muse, seven bucks I think. Well, dude, call me. My number is (my number). Talk to you later, man, toodles."
 
 Can you tell I need a ride to the Love is Red show?<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-12T13:25:00.000-07:00
I finished Ender's Game yesterday afternoon. I wanna rush out to the Libes and get the next few books. I can not, however, bring myself to destroy it by doing summer reading on it. Not yet. Working can wait.
 
 I also got my ear peirced today. Left side only, above my old peircing, bearing a little cubic zerconia, or whatever. Very cute. I was expecting it to hurt to high hell, like I remembered it hurting the first time I got stuck in third grade. It didn't hurt at all. I was relieved, but yet disapointed at once.
 
 Mom thought it would curb my wanting for new rings and studs. On the contrary, now I want more. Poor her. We'll see how this plays out, eh?<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-11T07:12:00.000-07:00
Hum. I'm tired. Lots of tired. Even on the days I have off, I wake up early-ish. 8 today. Grah. Dumb enternal clock.
 
 Last night my brother, sister and I danced to one of the only rap songs I like...that one by Sean Paul. Good dancy stuff. We goofed off and made up new stupid looking ways of walking to the beat, and other suchs dumb things. It was uber fun. Woo woo.
 
 To tired to sting things together. Shower time!<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-10T14:22:00.000-07:00
One never realized how much you truly miss someone until you see them again.
 
 I can't do the outing Sarah and I had any justice, but I can say a few things. Our movie, Pirates, rocked. It was a semi-orgasmic experiance that caused squeaking and tingling in girly parts. I want to have pirate sex with Jack Sparrow, he's dead hot. Sarah burned me a fabby mix CD, that I am listening to now. We have a good panties store, which I might have to visit to get this fabby shorts-bra match set. Sarah and I are really gay boys shoved into the molds of two slightly odd teen girls. Sex talk ensued over dinner, over the table after dinner, down the corridor after dinner, into various stores, and finally outside...it never really stopped all the way. And because Sarah hearts James and has a hott date with him Friday and because I am alergic to latex, I "shared" my blue sin with her. It's now in her hands. May she use it well.
 
 I never was really banned from Sarah. I couldn't see her, that's true, but I was never really taken away from her. It wasn't just the illegal phone calls or other means of real contact. Sarah and I are, reguardless of anyone, sisters. We always will be. Forever. We're connected (perhaps through our being horny teen-age pirate robots, etc) no matter what we go through, and I have realized that now. We've been through a near year of asstrangement (between 9th and 10th grade years), Flordia (which Sarah...fondly...calls "Hell") and being punished from each other for my mother's over active imagination, and we've indured.
 
 Sarah, I love you. Forever and a pirateXcore (arrr) day.
 
 In other news (that is really not important, but still kind of important, but not really...)
 ~I'm reading Ender's Game (Orson Scott Well) and am in love with it.
 ~I have tomorrow and Monday off, thank god.
 ~Dermatologist tomorrow. Grah. Upside: I might get my ear peirced afterwards. Yippy skippy with knobs!
 ~I might just stay the night with Sarah on Sunday. Yayyy! At her house, because for once, her parents are less crazy then mine. We're thinking movie night, even. Man, I really missed my homie. *weeps* But, finally...doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo, the worst is over.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-08T19:17:00.000-07:00
I finally watched Legally Blonde.
 
 I actually like that movie a whole lot. I had until tonight been boycotting it because I'm blonde myself and it seemed kind of...I don't know. Weird. But Mums rented it from Blockie Busters tonight and we watched it all together, minus Clay, which is a treat in itself. We had pop corn and turned the lights off, and it was really cool being all together, minus Clay. I think we should vote him off the island. And maybe onto a sharp knife. Or an active valcano. Or a feild of land mines in rather large, hard to maneuver shoes.
 
 Tomorrow is the day I get to go see muh homie! I am starting to be weened from my Sarah probation of no return. Or semi-return. Whatever. But yes, tomorrow is Pirates Day. Mom's cracking like ice hurled at your little brother's thick head. She's letting Sarah and I hang at Le Grande Malle' for a few hours before and\or after the movie, even. That means seeing Josh. Yummers. Josh is prrrrrrrretty. That's a plus, and I will already be giddywoowoo because I get to see Sarah, therefore my experiance will be heightened. I already have to bite my lip around Joshie. I fear for my safety.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-08T14:13:00.000-07:00
Work. Got off early again. One would think that would be the last thing someone complianed about, but Jesus. Work is about as constant as my moods during a bad bout of PMS.
 
 Mums and Dad oked something pretty cool for them. They said that if I paid for it, I could get a second hole in my left ear. That's pretty damned radical for my parents. Ok, my mummies. Dad's ok with the idea of pericings. But yeah, I get an extra ear hole. Woo. And I am getting it done at this cool salon, so I might get a snazzy haircut with fringe the same day. Cut first, then eary. Woo woo.
 
 Today at Target, Mom-us took me to look at condoms. We looked for non-latex. They have them, but they are made out of polyurethane. That's the same stuff they make furniture polish out of. Holy hell. I am going to be having a beautiful, intimate moment with varnish.
 
 Since I am only mildly allergic, mom says that if I lube up uber a lots and use a thin latex, I should be ok. I don't know, though. The idea of applying KY Jelly between oral and vaginal seems like a major mood killer.
 
 Looking at condoms with one's mother is kind of embarassing. It's not so much the looking part, but rather the fact that as we were looking, old men were watching us look. Jesus.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-07T17:52:00.000-07:00
Listening to the sing-along goodness of If Winter Ends. My Bright Eyes...ah, good 'ol Conor. I don't care what the uber scenesters of Indie Rock say. I don't care what anyone says. Conor Oberst is the most poetic, beautiful guy on the face of this earth. Screw the Indir Rock Gods to Be. Screw Scalf, screw Coil, screw everyone. They can all suck my nonexistant cock. I loves me some Conor, and there's nothing you can do about it.
 
 Lie to me and say it's gonna be all right, it's gonna be all right, it's gonna be all right...
 
 But honestly, all this Anti-Conor bull shit erks me. All the Uberscenesters and holy gods from Omaha and Seattle and shit think he's the antichrist or something. So he's selling out, kind of. He's not changing his words, he's not changing his meaning. What's the big fucking deal? People fucking like him. Because he is such a skilled writer, more people can identify with his words. More people can feel along with his woven words and naked truths. And that somehow makes him less beautiful to them? I used to fake all that "holier than thou" shit. "Yada yada, I hate such-and-such because they're sell out" or "I don't like them because Ms. Whatever digs them." You know where it lands you? At a lack of good music that makes you feel. So I am fucking pissed at the Indie scenesters of the universe. Maybe I am weird for liking a wider variety of stuff, but in my little blue eyes, that makes life more interesting. Same goes for uberscenesters in general.
 
 Let's take two people who really piss me off for example: Scalf and Coil. Scalf is the better of them, so he goes first. Did I just call Scalf better? Gee, that made me shudder.
 
 So yes, Scalf. He's, in his own words, "The poster boy for emo." Nerdy glasses, bad attitude, black hair, vacant and depressed look, and sweater vests. At school, he hates on everything but generic emo bands for whom, in general, I have very little admiration for. Saves the Day, Get Up Kids, the like. They all sound the same, but gee willy gosh, they are emo. And for Scalf, life is about his label. So he pushes his music on other people, screams out that he is, indeed, emo, and in the process of doing so skips out on lots of cool stuff unknowingly. Really cool people. Me. William. Eva. Sarah. Really cool music. Bright Eyes. Lots of core stuff. He just blocks it all out at school. I've talked to him a wee on AIM and he's actually in to indie and hardcore, but he won't let it out ever because he is so worried about staying true to emo and the emo scene (which is sad, because our scene is hardcore and because it makes him think he's individual. News flash...he's not. Just go down to Florida. Grah.). So that limiting quality that comes with being a "scenester" pisses me off.
 
 On to Coil. Coil is so mother fucking hardcore. He does hXc vinyl collecting. He does the sweet, sweet edge. He does shows and has a "band" (never came to fruit, ha ha) and everything. He lives music. I don't have quams with that, really. I mean, music s the fruit of life. Kind of. I personally think it is the blossoms of those whom you love, but whatevah. Back to Coil. So Coil's a cool guy, really. I mean, he's funny, he's pretty good looking, he knows all about core. BUT he's a flying ass hole. If you're not as mother fucking hardcore (strike various core pose here) he fucking hates you. Also, if you joke with him he hates you. Because he is so mother fucking hardcore (growl), he takes everything seriously. Everything. He's uber intense, because that's how you have to be that mother fucking hardcore.
 
 So let's look at the rules thus far for being an UberScenester:
 1) You have to ignore things you like just for the sake of your scenesterdom.
 2) You have to be a serious fucking asshole.
 
 Hum, yes, that seems like something I'd aspire to make myself into. That's how I want to live my life. Let's look at other rules I know of, from various excutrstions with Will and Eva, etc.
 
 3) You have to spend every ounce of money you have on music, and get every new CD by every band in your selected genre.
 4) One must go to every show that is "cool" in your general area, even if it means driving several hundred miles out of the way and still haveing to work the next day.
 5) You need to act offended if someone charges you with your Scene title.
 
 Yeeeeah....whatevah. Oh wait, one more.
 
 6) You have to critizize everyone and everything if you or your higher Scenester Gods say that it is in any way wrong, even if you don't really believe in what you are insulting.
 
 Stupid ass Scenesters. I am though being "cool." Fuck it. From here on out, I am me. Pure, soild moi. 100% me without outside influance. The people whom I really care about will like me anyway, because I didn't really pull anything scenester on anyone, anyway, and because they're cool, too. I think Sarah is into the anti-scenester thing, too, because we've been talking about liking stuff even if it's mainstream (ie Coldplay and some All American Rejects.). Ok, I'll stop ranting.
 
 Also, I would like to note that Joe and I have been "together" on and off for a good year now. Woo.
 
 The end.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-07T12:28:00.000-07:00
My book sure did not come in...still. But it was worth the trip out to see the very sexy (but very gay) male librarian. Mmm...cute nerdy guy. Who snogs other guys. Mmm.
 
 I got off "work" early today, have Thursday off, and am going to have to take of Friday for my dermalogical consultation. It's not for my face, actually. I have a pretty good time with not getting spots. It's for my...feet. I have cute feet, I guess, because they're small and nice looking, but on one of my toes I have a bump. It's not a wart or a corn, and I have no clue what it is, so Mums says I need to get it looked at. And I agree. I can't have it marring my flipfloped feet any longer.
 
 Moral: I love having an easy "job."
 
 I want to listen to Bright Eyes. I feel like singing.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-06T14:58:00.000-07:00
I think I figured out why band-aids and balloons have always made me red and hurty.
 
 I might just be allergic to my old friend latex.
 
 Oh joy. That'll make protected sex about fifty times more complicated.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-06T09:04:00.000-07:00
Last night, I started thinking about the movie The Ring and got scared, which is odd because I did not find that movie that frightening, and had to go into a furious fit of singing "Raindrops on Roses" to get it out of my mind.
 
 I'm now leaning more towards Krazy Fest than my "woogo feminist" (I love you, Sarah!) camp. razy Fest just sounds more appealing to me now. Why pretend I can rock when I can go see sexy men rocking, both on stage (band boys) and off (Nashville scensters who are driving up there...Edddd...mmm....)? I mean, Ed. Honka. Joshie. Who could ask for anything more? Sure, Forget Cassettes is cool and it would be nice to meet that chic, but ED! ED! Mmmm...Ed....mmm...beautiful...cheeks...mmm...
 
 What a sexy man. And a great slam dancer. And the owner of a nice little butt.
 
 My book (The Unbearable Lightness of Being) came into the library today, and I plan to go get it. Woo. I'm bored. So bored. I think I'll go work on my summer reading.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-05T16:07:00.000-07:00
I forgot to do the Friday Five the other day. So here goes. The anti-Friday Five.
 
 1. What were your favorite childhood stories? That one potty book, the one with the song "I'll love you forever and like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be," and all the "big kid" books mom used to read to me...Charlotte's Web, National Velvet, etc.
 
 2. What books from your childhood would you like to share with [your] children? I'm fond of the Dumb Bunnie, even though I found then around the age of ten. And I don't think you have to read just childrens books to kids, you know, like just the picture book kind. I'm all for reading them Harry Potter and my very first favie series by the amazing Llyod Alexander, The Chrinicles of Prydain.
 
 3. Have you re-read any of those childhood stories and been surprised by anything? I re-read Prydain over and over, and still cry every time. And I am surprized at how you can apply sex to Green Eggs and Ham.
 
 4. How old were you when you first learned to read? I don't remember. Prolly during pre-school. I was a bright-because-mom-made-me kid. Still am.
 
 5. Do you remember the first 'grown-up' book you read? How old were you? I have always read "grown up" books, even from when I was little. I pimped Shakespear all through fourth and fifth grade. I read classic poetry in third grade. It's nice stuff. The first book ozzing sex that I read, however, was Mists of Avalon Freshman year.
 
 ~
 
 I got back from the mall not to long ago. I didn't get to go to Opry Mills because Princess Clay had to go all dorkcore and play in some Poke'mon league thing over in Rivergate, so I went to Rivergate Mall. Abs came. We rode the escalators. Woo. I also so a hot hardcore boy. Mmmm...core kids. Sec-say. 
 
 List-o-stuff I bought:
 Two Bath and Body soaps, one in the same Moonlight-whatever I have, and one in this cool citrusy sent. I love citrus.
 A set of three pairs of earings. Little rings. Cute. Way to small gauge-wise, but mom won't let me wear gauges. Fuck her.
 Tissues with skulls on them for my "purse."
 The new Poison the Well CD, which kind of sucks. A lot. So much that I wish I had gotten that Every Time I Die CD instead.
 A slice of spinich pizza. Yummm...
 Pink lemonaid.
 
 Holy hell, I am bored and sleepy. And I want to kill Sarah's dad for being an ass. I swear, I am now afraid to have chilrend for fear of them feeling like Sarah and I do about ours...<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-05T09:07:00.000-07:00
<a href="http://www.mtsu.edu/~w4w/index.htm">Southern Girls Rock 'n' Roll Camp</a> has presented itself to me today in the news paper. It's at MTSU, and I'd learn to play guitar, or even bass, which I think sounds cool. I could also pick from drums, keyboard, or vocals, but no...guitar or bass sounds good to me. The chic from Forget Cassettes is teaching guitar. That's awesome. Grah, it would be so cool...at the school I am going to go to, learning how to rock out, learning stuff that'll help me with the venue when I'm "grown up"....grah! I want to go.
 
 But it runs into Krazy Fest.
 
 *weeps*
 
 Why? WHHHHYYYY? Heh. Dumb choises.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-05T07:56:00.000-07:00
I didn't get to see Chris. *weeps* I looked all over for him, too, and I was even going to tackle him despite the fact that I was terribly sweaty. But, alas, no cigar. Where is he? I might just have to step it up and call Sarah for his number so we can call him. Well, I'll wait til we can get together. *sigh* I miss Chris...I didn't realize how badly I did until just now.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-04T11:34:00.000-07:00
Doing the wash. Woo. Finally.
 
 I want to go to Krazy Fest like woah. It's this big music festival de' cool up in KY that is sponcered by Interpunk. I just want to go on Saturday, because I know that I will for sure not be allowed to go all three days. Plus, Saturday's line up is to die for...
 
 Hatebreed
 The Locust
 The Blood Brothers
 Throwdown
 Mastodon
 ATREYU
 THE HOPE CONSPIRACY
 Black Cross
 Burnt by the Sun
 HOPESFALL
 PLANES MISTAKEN FOR STARS
 EVERY TIME I DIE
 Terror
 Anodye
 Playing Enemy
 The Suicide File
 With Honor
 
 All caps denote bands I want to see. Others...I just haven't heard them. But the ones in caps rock, like woah. Sarah is game for trying to persuade Crazy Mom to let me go. We're going to round up lots of people to go with us so it'll be a group thing, which Mom can't refuse. I'll bring Michelle and Jared, or at least Michelle, and Sarah is going to invite Catlin and Megan. We might even be brave and invite Josh and Chris.
 
 Speaking of Chris...
 
 He works at the stadium at which the Sounds (baseball, we're going to a game today) play. I'm planning on seaking him out. Operation Mack on Chris. Mmmm...Chris...mmm....<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-04T08:41:00.000-07:00
I don't think my picture works. Oh well.
 
 So, today being the 4th and all, I put extra special thought into today's outfit. I was careful to pick out patriotic colours that would show everyone just how pround of America I am.
 
 I think that my green shirt, pinstripes, and purple panties show that very, very well.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-07-03T17:34:00.000-07:00
Ok, I am trying to see if I can cheat and get AOL's dumb home page pictures to work. I need this for my siggy for my email, and I, therefore, need to be able to do one of those html image linky dooeys. So yeah. If you can see it, leave a thing on my tag board that says something along the lines of, "I can see your pic, it is beautiful, and you're the best person in the world." Woo. Here goes.
 
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2003-07-03T15:03:00.000-07:00
Went to the lirbary. I just wrote up my summer reading stuff because The Unbearable Lightness of Being hasn't come in yet. Oh well. I saw my Uncle Leland there with his wife and kid. They're cool. Woo.
 
 I still need to do the wash. I don't feel like it now. Grrr.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
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2003-07-03T08:41:00.000-07:00
Woo. I just finished being rude to my sister's friend. Yayyy.
 
 You know, I really, really like Cursive. My love for them, I'd say, would put them number two on my Love My Music list. Hum. I just made that this us just now. I'm going to try and think of it. I'll put it up in intierty in a few, but as of now it stands:
 Bright Eyes (NO ONE can step to Conor!)
 Cursive (specially the new stuff with Greta on cello...it's sinful)
 everything else.
 
 Everyone who reads my blog (aka Sarah and Joe, and any poor random soul who wanders in) needs to get Ugly Organ. Sarah, you already have it. Woo. Great, great album. I think that once I get a record player, I'll get it on vinyl, because it has to sound great on said record.
 
 I'm off today. And tomorrow. Yay, I'm so happy. However, I am a wee saddened by the fact that my beloved Felix Babbit Clarieese the Zoom-Zoom Car is acting oddly. We might have to take him in to the shop. Poot. I wanted to go driving.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
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2003-07-02T19:24:00.000-07:00
The Wild Adventures of Christen Theme Park has a new attraction: The Really Bad Rollacoaster!
 
 So today was...woah. It started off like a usual work day. Rolled out of bed fifteen minutes late, threw on the clothes I layed out the night before, scrambled for some shoes (picked out my fake Dr. Schoul's), I think I ate breakfast, and in my half-slumber, I suddenly found myself on the love seat of Kelly's house, working on y Death of a Salesman summer reading work ("Discuss one important part of the literature that you liked an why"). Boys woke up at 9:30, and asked if we were going somewhere. Called Mom, and around 11 we were heading to the YMCA. I was even clad in my suit to swim. My scars from my last cutting session are almost healed, so I was ok. I got sun. Burned. Woo. And then we were suddenly stuck in traffic on Briley Parkway, and then the boys were gone because I was at home on the computer. And then I was sitting on the sofa watching some show I don't like on Disney. Sooner than I wanted, I was outside on the back...thing...with my parents, being lectured about "settling" for MTSU and being a coward for not applying elsewhere and having to walk through my fear and to stop copying Sarah. Then Dad was gone and I was talking to Mom about Sarah and psychoanalizing her without mercy, which suddenly disolved to me scratching into my lef with a little safety pin in my room in just my underwear and shirt, and then I was crying and hugging my parents and saying sorry, that I was just so sad, and wishing I wasn't a stupid teenager. So I was happy, then furious, then depressed, then in tears, and now I am just so worn out emotionally that I am not really feeling much, other than lovey because I patched things up with Joe because I missed him so terribly.
 
 On the Bright Side:
 I have tomorrow and Friday off.
 I still get to see Sarah on the next of Wednesday, even though I was terrible to my mother for 30 straight minutes.
 Tomorrow, I get the laundry room and can do my wash. Yes, I like doing the wash, because it fils your mind with warmth and towels.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
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2003-07-01T13:41:00.000-07:00
I can go see Pirates with SARAH! I HEART SARAH! I HEART PIRATES! I HEART...STUFF!
 
 I don't think Mom's in to letting me see her much anymore, though. She kind of said so, so...yeah. Fuck her.
 
 
 [rant]
 I have had a terrible day. I hate work, it's to easy and I get bored by it. I heard from a certian someone whom I thought had a failed internet connection but was really just letting his depression rape him and sulking and thinking of himself only and avoiding me just because. I love me supposed-boyfreind so much I could cut myself some more. I'm depressed now, too, mother fuckers. I really am. My best friend is banned from me, my parents are punishing me left and right for things like leaving my laptop on while I wizz between parts of my summer reading project and asking to go the the fucking library. I have not seen a live show since way before school was out, and, call me shallow if you must, music is my life force and without the live stuff every now and then I lose a lot of myself. I am greatly sleep-deprived because (just a little while after it shut up) my brain refuses to stop long enough to let me dose. I feel alianted in my family, a black sheep, simply because I do not feel the need to be trodden upon, especially by the family who is supposed to love and support me. Mom and Dad think I am settling for MTSU and are forcing me to apply for other colleges (that, mind you, even with financial aid, we could never afford) because I am flyig quotes smart. I'm losing sight of my goals in life just as I find them, I feel like I will be nothing and that I should just die instead of trying to stumble on in the cold Winter of this world. I started cutting myself again because of all this fucking shit.
 
 And he doesn't want to talk to me because he's depressed? What an ass cake. I hope he fucking reads this. Hi, Joe. Look when you left me alone, mother fucker! You left me to struggle in this flood of sorrow while you drowned in yours. We could have FUCKING helped each other. Run away, man. It's always the fucking answer. It's funny, because Sarah and I were just talking about this all today as I laid bored off my ass on the love seat at the twin's house. "No, he's not just ignoring you." Yeah...woo, we were so right, eh, Sarah? Woooo. I hate men. I hate Man. Fuckidy fuckaroni. I love Sarah. If only I could see her now, we could break shit together and scream. I envy her realtionship with James, even though it's far from perfect in many people's eyes, including hers. At least she can touch her boyfriend. Why do I care so much for someone like this?
 
 [/rant]
 
 Hello, my first name is Distance, and I really don't care if I ever wake up again.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
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2003-06-30T13:53:00.000-07:00
Yesterday I went driving and hit the curb hard. Dad flung Coke all over my car after the shock. I sobbed. I miss Sarah, and that depression makes even happy things like smashing up my car seem grey and drab.
 
 Today, however, happy news met my ears. Mom's thinking about letting me see my Homes for the opening night of Pirates of the Caribbean. Wooo. She has to pass it by Dad. Maybe there is hope. I doubt, however, that they'll ever let me see Sarah as much as I want again. Oh well, Project Fuck Them is under way, so all is fabby with knobs.
 
 I heart Sarah.
 I need a boyfriend.
 I think I am getting sick.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
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<article>
2003-06-30T13:47:00.000-07:00
Quizzes, or I am really bored, keep my ass entertained
 
 <div align="center"><table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="2" width="240"bgcolor="#e7e4e4"><tr> <td width="50%"><div align="center"> Conscious self</div> </td><td><div align="center">Overall self</div></td> </tr><tr><td width="50%"><div align="center"></div> </td><td><div align="center"></div> </td></tr></table><a href="http://similarminds.com">Take Free Enneagram Test</a></div>
 
 <center><a href="http://www.lacota.net/alanna/quiz.html" target="new">
 </a> 
 <a href="http://www.lacota.net/alanna/quiz.html" target="new">Which flock do you follow?</a>
 this quiz was made by <a href="http://www.lacota.net/alanna">alanna</a></center>
 
 <center><a href="http://www.lacota.net/alanna/randomquiz.html" target="new">
 </a> 
 <a href="http://www.lacota.net/alanna/randomquiz.html" target="new">How random are you?</a>
 this quiz was made by <a href="http://www.lacota.net/alanna">alanna</a></center>
 
 <center><a href="http://www.lacota.net/alanna/chickenquiz.html" target="new">
 </a> 
 <a href="http://www.lacota.net/alanna/chickenquiz.html" target="new">Do you cluck or do you roar?</a>
 this quiz was made by <a href="http://www.lacota.net/alanna">alanna</a></center>
 
 <center><a href="http://www.lacota.net/alanna/britquiz.html" target="new">
 </a> 
 Jolly good, wot! Anyone for tennis? That'll be ten ponies, guv. You're the epitome of everything that is english. Yey :) Hoist that Union Jack!
 <a href="http://www.lacota.net/alanna/britquiz.html" target="new">How British are you?</a>
 this quiz was made by <a href="http://www.lacota.net/alanna">alanna</a></center> (Note: Ha ha, how funny...I'm, sadly, 100% American...)
 
 <a href="http://www.relentlessdivas.net" target="new"></a> Which Flower Are You?<a href="http://www.relentlessdivas.net" target="new">Find out!</a>
 
 <a href="http://www.relentlessdivas.net" target="new"></a> Which Part of a Meal Are You?<a href="http://www.relentlessdivas.net" target="new">Find out!</a>
 
 <a href="http://www.catwalkqueen.net"></a> <a 
 href="http://www.catwalkqueen.net">What's Your Perfect Teen Movie?</a>
 
 <a href="http://www.catwalkqueen.net"></a> <a 
 href="http://www.catwalkqueen.net">Which Literary Heroine Are You?</a><div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
</article>
<article>
2003-06-29T10:00:00.000-07:00
Woo, I found surveys. Yum. Enjoy, because I enjoyed filling these suckers out.
 
 The Best Pal Survey
 (I am doing this for muh sXe Pirate Sista, Sarah! I misses you! Come back from KY, homie!)
 1. My name?: Sarah Elizabeth Joan Ferguson 
 2. Where did we meet?: schule, in 8th-ish grade, Frensley's Home room class
 3. What's my nickname?: Supre Man Girl! I don't know, really, other than all those nicks refering to yourbeing short, which I know you don't enjoy.
 4. How long have you known me?: Erm...8th til now would be...Going on 4 years.
 5. How well do you know me?: Darned tootin' well, even if I bomb this up! :)
 6. Do I smoke?: NEVER! You're EDGE!
 7. Do I believe in God?: yayce.
 8. When you first saw me, what was your impression?: I didn't think to much in 8th grade...I guess, "PERSON!"
 9. My age?: 15, going on 16 in 2-ish months
 10. Birthday?: 17th September! I hope to god that's right...
 11. Color hair?: pretty dark brown.
 12. Color eyes?: brown with green in 'em
 13. Do I have any siblings?: Richie (14) and Emily (...10?)
 14. Have you ever had a crush on me? No, I like the cock.
 15. What's one of my favorite things to do?: go to shows! Snog James! Listen to music!
 16. Do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you?: Prolly something along the lines of "He looks weird" refering to Frensley.
 17. What's my favorite type of music?: Angst! Hardcore, indie, wee-bits-o-emo
 18. What is the best feature about me(physically)?: I don't know, man. How about those Baby-machine hips? Ha ha...
 19. Am I shy or outgoing??: Both. More outgoing that anything when we're together. I mean, we did talk to Joshie, and look how far that's gone...now if only we could tackle Ed...and I mean that two ways...
 20. Would you say I am funny?: oh yeah. Very mean-funny.
 21. Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules?: Rebel with a cause, as in you don't just fuck stuff up for nothing.
 22. Would you consider me a friend?: Der.
 23. Would you call me preppy, slutty, average, sporty,punk,hippie, glam,incredible, sexy,nerdy, snobby, or something else?: I'd call you...Sarah...which is...something else. I don't know, we don't do labels!
 24. Have you ever seen me cry?: Yayce. It made me sad-o.
 25. If there was one good nickname for me,what would it be?: Sayruh. Yeah, that's it. Maybe some word that means small, angry, and shit loads of fun.
 26. Are my parents still together?: Well, that's hard to say. No, they're divorced, but that hang around each other all the time. Less now, though, because you're mum's moved out.
 27. Am I a virgin?: Yayce.
 28. How tall am I?: 5 feet! WOOOOO!
 29. If you had to chose one thing to change about me, what would it be? I like you just the way you are, home dog.
 30. How often do you see me? (daily, weekly etc..): Usually several times a week, now...damned Sarah Ban...not ever.
 31. Did I ever play sports, and which ones?: You don't play, really. We play Josh Drool....
 32. Have you ever kissed me?: Noooo. As I said earlier, I like the cock.
 33. Have you ever been jealous of me?: Kind of, yeah. You've got James, and I've got next to nothing, which blows.
 34. Have I ever been drunk?: Yes, in the Dark Ages. But we won't speak of that.
 35. Have I ever done drugs?: Yes. Again, Dark Ages.
 36. Have I ever had a crush on you?: oh yeah, of course. NO!
 37. Am I in love or have I ever been in love?: I think you are now.
 38. What is my favorite holiday?: anything late get you stuff, wootie!
 39. Do I have any musical talents?: We both do a mad version of Something Vague....wooo...
 40. Am I a leader or follower?: Leader. Co-leader, I guess, because you and I both lead each other, kind of, but not really....gah, can't explain!
 41. Have I impacted your life in any way?: Yayce, lots of ways...
 42. Do I know you well?: Yayce.
 43. Am I dominating or submissive? : I don't know! Sub, I think. We've talked about this late one night...I think on one of our sXe drinking parties...
 44. What kind of car do I drive?: None.
 45. What pets do I have, if any?: Dog, the dog, and Chris, the nephew. Oh, and fish.
 46. What's my favorite sports teams?: I don't know. I know you enjoyed watching the cup and cheered on the Ducks...
 47. My best personality trait is?: your intellect and strength.
 48. Do I know more about you than most of your other friends?: What other friends?
 49. Where was I born?: Louisiana
 50. Do I have any piercings?: Ears, but they might have closed up.
 51. Have you ever been in my room or spent the night?: Both
 52. Favorite color?: Erm...uh....I don't know! I'm a terrible friend! *weeps*
 53. would you ever kiss me? Once and for all, I LIKE THE COCK! I heart boys!
 54. Do I want any other piercings?: Yayce...lippy, like me, and gauged ears. Oh, and you've talked about getting an industrial before.
 55. What's my biggest fear?: being alone, the dark...I think.
 56. Have you been truly honest with this survey?: Yes ma'am.
 57. If not,what should I do to you?: shoot me in the face.
 
 
 ~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
 1) Last dream: Erm...one of those dreams. Woo.
 2) Last car ride: yesterday, on the way home from Media Play\Books-a-Million
 3) Last kiss: Oh gee...
 4) Last good cry: When I finished Potter, I think. I might have had a little cry between then and now, but my last big sobbing cry was when I found out who died.
 5) Last Missing Library Book: I don't lose books.
 6) Last movie seen: last night I rented The Pianist. Great movie.
 7) Last Book Read: I just started Death of a Salesman.
 8) Last cuss word uttered: ass hole
 9) Last beverage drank: um...I had a snow cone just now. I love Abby's Snow Cone maker...
 10) Last Food consumed: snow cone! The amazing drink\food!
 12) Last phone call: two days ago, with Sarah. I got phone back with her legally, finally. Woo.
 13) Last TV show watched: Brendon Lennard
 14) Last Item Bought: an old, old Built to Spill CD, with Car on it. Woo.
 15) Last time showered: thirty minutes ago.
 16) Last shoes worn: my whippy-cool Sauconys. Brown sneakies rock!
 17) Last CD played: Built to Spill's There's Nothing Wrong with Love
 18) Last downloaded: My computer is to old and slow to DL stuff.
 19) Last annoyance: I have a constant annoyance, and it's called Clay.
 20) Last disappointment: just now, I found out I couldn't go to the book store. How sad.
 21) Last soda drank: Coke. Woo.
 22) Last thing written: as in hand written? Notes on Death of a Salesman
 23) Last key used: key-key? As in the metal kind? Gawd...I guess my house key a few weeks ago.
 24) Last word spoken: "Yeah," in responce to "Does it say Ann? Is it like a janitor?" from Abby, concerning Brendon's shirt.
 25) Last trip to the bathroom: erm, I wizzed before my shower.
 26) Last sleep: a few...well, several hours ago, I had a good sleep last night.
 27) Last IM: Chris, yesterday, talking about Summer Reading. I have a secret crush on Chris.
 28) Last sexual fantasy: Last night, concerning...someone...er..yeah...
 30) Last weird encounter: Yesterday, ran into Carissa, whom I dislike, at Mediaplay.
 31) Last Store Shopped at: Books-a-Million
 32) Last ice cream eaten: Mint Chocolate, a few weeks ago.
 33) Last time amused: just. just now, Built to Spill is playing on The Brendon Lennoard show! I'm singing along! I wanna see...the movies of my dreams...
 34) Last time wanting to die: yesterday.
 35) Last time in love: Heh...
 36) Last time hugged: Last time I saw Sarah! How sad...gah...that is suddenly so sad...
 37) Last time scolded: so frequnetly, I can't remember.
 38) Last time resentful: I resent my parents for banning me from Sarah.
 39) Last chair sat in: my computer chair...now.
 40) Last lipstick used: grape Pez lip balm! YUMMMM!
 41) Last underwear worn: Lime Lace Maidenform. wHoooootiE!
 42) Last bra worn: This one, it'd old and plain. Urg.
 43) Last shirt worn: This one...Hopesfall
 44) Last class attended: HA HA HA! Chemistry, on Whatever May, when school ended.
 45) Last Final taken: Chem
 46) Last time dancing: I danced in my room to Built to Spill
 47) Last poster looked at: my little Bright Eyes cut-outs on my wall from DIW. Conor is a sexy, sexy man...
 48) Last concert attended: Hopesfall, FAR to long ago.
 49) Last webpage visited: Blogger, der.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
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<article>
2003-06-27T18:42:00.000-07:00
Trying to make this new skin work, having problems...<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
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<article>
2003-06-27T18:39:00.000-07:00
<center><a href="http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/"> free enneagram test</a></center>
 
 The <a href="http://www.fridayfive.org">Friday Five</a>
 
 1. How are you planning to spend the summer? Um, "working" with my boys, prepping for college, (as of now) pouting over my lack of Sarah and Joe and anyone, really, and..I don't know. Reading?
 
 2. What was your first summer job? This one, sitting for Tanner and Tyler
 
 3. If you could go anywhere this summer, where would you go? Portland or a Bright Eyes show. God damn it, I want to cry.
 
 4. What was your worst vacation ever? The one I just finished...fucking shrimp\parents\sun burn!
 
 5. What was your best vacation ever? One I have yet to take. I don't know, Chicago would have rocked if I had been able to go to the shows I wanted to and I wasn't with my family...<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
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2003-06-27T08:27:00.000-07:00
I love college-shopping.
 
 Ok, so it's not much of shopping anymore, because I know I am going to <a href="http://mtsu.edu/">MTSU.</a> It's dead fun, though, looking through the site and ordering info to be sent to my house an dchecking out dorms. Sarah and I have decided that we want to stay in Lyon Hall or whatever for Freshie year while we save up for a on-campus appartment, then we're moving to Scarlett Commons with two other people, whom we have to meet and make friendly with over our first year. Woo. So much fun planning all of this.
 
 Mums might be caving over the lip thing. Or well, I thought she was...until last night at this Mary Kay party I had to go to some 18-year-old wife had to go and say I couldn't get a job with it in. I have three things to say...
 At least I am not an 18-year-old wife.
 No one was even talking to you, MiMi.
 Fuck you.
 
 I had a few brief hours of the hope my parents would pay for me and wouldn't disown me. Fucking MiMi had to spoil it for me. Oh well, at least I am going to college, unlike MiMi, even if I have to pay for it over a lippy ring-o. Fuck them all. I have now dicided to get my nose done, too. Fuck you all. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
 
 Oh well. I don't care. I'm going to college, I'm going to college! With my best friend, no less, whom I still love reguardless of my ban from her. Whootie.<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
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2003-06-25T15:44:00.000-07:00
Welcome to my new blog.
 
 The war has begun. I could scream in my mum's face. What kind of a ass cake would do this to me? I swear to god wherever I didn't do but maybe two things that they are accusing me of. Dad's joining in the fun. He's in a hissy fit over me even getting 'Net back. I asked if I could see Sarah for one day...one stinking day...to go see Pirates of the Caribbean. It's kind of a Sarah-and-I-joke thing...pirates. We're pirates, dammit, and we've been planning to see it since we saw the preview forever ago. How long does it take to see a movie? Two hours, maybe, right? Well, Mum Dearest won't even give me that much time with the one girl who keeps me from killing myself. This is bogus. Full of bogosity. Bogalicious. Must resisit urge to lay the hurty...
 
 The war is on. Ok, so not war, really, but something. I don't know. I guess it's a innerwar, because it's more of me bombing myself into not pulling a bomb and exploding. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I hope and pray to...whatever...that I don't end up as crazy as Mum.
 
 She really has made me feel like I am far to stupid to be able to do anything for myself, and made me feel like I am not worthy enough to have friends or that those friends can never stay around to long because they'll currupt me. I'm throwing that off. I have to. I'm going to. I am far to tired of living under the Control Freak's reign.
 
 On the bright side:
 I love my new shoes.
 I found my Faint and Dashboard CD's.
 I snuck another call to my Homie today.
 I, er...other things. I can't think of too many happy, bright things. Oh yeah...
 I started painting my side table with my stylish Bright Eyes doey. Woo. An for this...
 I made potato stamps! YAY!<div class="blogger-post-footer"></div>
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